Talk about a life changing experience. I'm scared. I cry about my mom having cancer. I cry about not wanting to become her caretaker. Because I don't want her to have to need a caretaker. And because I'm selfish. Oh yeah, I cry about that too. I look forward to spending the time with my mom. I just wish it were different circumstances.
I cancelled a 2012 race this week. I requested a refund from St Croix 70.3. A couple years ago I mentioned to my mom that I might do that race sometime instead of NOLA 70.3. She was all in. So a few months ago I signed up. Started looking for vacation rentals for a week. We were going to have a mom and daughter week, ending in a triathlon. Something she loves to watch me do well at. Or just do. But it's too unknown now. So even though it might still be possible, I said no to planning it. One less thing for me to stress about right now.
While I'm in Hawaii my friends have been good about getting me out. Even though I'm less than reliable. I say maybe and then decide I'm not feeling social. I'm thankful my friends are able to explain to everyone that I'm not really up to the usual conversation. And accepting that I just might not show up to things. And when I do show up, they make sure I have a good time.
Margarita #1
Like tonight. Taco Tuesday. Where somewhere between the first and fifth margarita I told the bartender (and the five guys next to me) that I could eat 20 tacos no problem. Challenge accepted. Two weeks from tonight. Something to look forward too. Even if it's not St Croix :-)
Margarita #5. I wasn't planning on 5, but the 5 guys
decided to eat 20 tacos each and I had to stay and watch.
11 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom, but it's nice that you get to spend all that time with her, even if it's not in the best circumstances. Day by day.
Praying for you and your mom Maggs. I know you will very much find the strength when you need it to take care of her. And don't forget to take care of yourself too!
Thoughts and prayers for your mother
Oh Maggs I so vividly remember bathing and helping my mom change her dressings and how much it meant to me. My dad was useless( in an ok way) and i think you will find you are stronger and have more to give than you ever knew. It is somewhat easier having a role, you will be ok. Thinking and praying for you and your mom.
PS DANG those 'ritas look good, we are into red winesesason ( ie cold, fall) but that looks tastey!
I volunteer with an amazing organization- Life with Cancer (http://www.lifewithcancer.org/). I tried to find something similiar in your area.
http://gccancercenter.com/support.html
Perhaps they might have something to be of help. If not, and you and your Mom are in the DC area LwC groups are free to all patients and families living with cancer- irregardless of where they are being treated.
The main home is so nice I'd gladly move in! :-)
One breath at a time. All you have is now, so enjoy it!
Peace.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am sending thoughts and prayers your moms way.
I'm not sure I know what to say, except that I've been there, and it sucks, and I'm so, so sorry you have to go through it. Hugs.
Been there in a way, and really when I was younger. It still hit me hard, and when I wasn't expecting it.
You know from me you always are worth many many many xoxoxoxoxoxo's.
Best wishes!! :)
thoughts and prayers lady. biggest hug ever. hang in there.
It's ok to cry. It's ok to be selfish. It's ok to drink 5 margaritas and have to change plans. Hang in there.
Sending a big hug and prayers your way!
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